#the dialogue don't rlly make no sense

[rhupi]

" Something stupid "

- Frank sinatra

[wheeboo]

psycho | wen junhui

SYNOPSIS. in which a new patient is assigned for treatment under your care, and you begin to put the puzzles and pieces together to a past case that you thought to have ceased away from your mind. PAIRING. wen junhui x psychologist!reader (ft. nurse!seokmin) GENRE. dark au, mystery, angst, a tiny tiny subtle pinch of fluff, my very first attempt at a psychological thriller :> WARNINGS. LOTS of descriptions and talks about fire, cursing, mentions of death, a mention of cigarettes, descriptions of scars + burns, descriptions of injuries from glass, mention of blood, reader has a small habit of scratching at their arms, jun makes a suggestive comment if you take it that way WORD COUNT. 12.8k

notes: this is for the caratsland event and probably the most complex plot i've tried to execute so far jsdlkfdfsdf. thank you to @slytherinshua for reading this over for me and being my lil confidence boost 💕 feedback would be much appreciated!! pls remember this is all fictional and not at all an accurate depiction of a psychiatric facility!!

another note: also this turned out to be rlly dialogue heavy and jun asks too many damn questions in this istg lmao

PRESENT DAY: 2023

"Dr. L/N, you have a new patient assigned to you in room 610."

You don't glance up from your desk. Instead, you finish reviewing the case notes of your previous patient and nod in acknowledgment to the nurse standing in your doorway, a friendly young man named Lee Seokmin who was a recent hire, as you were told. As you hear the drop of a patient file in front of you, you lean back in your chair and finally get yourself to look up.

"Thank you, Seokmin," You tell him with a soft smile.

Seokmin grins, teeth all-flashy and cheerful. "You're welcome, doctor," before dismissing himself back out of your office.

You turn your attention to the patient file now resting on your desk. As you start to read through the notes, you see it only contains some basic information about the patient: name, age, and a brief overview of their medical and psychiatric history. It's a starting point, but you know that the real work begins when you meet the person behind the paperwork.

"Name, Moon Jun... male, age 27..." You quietly study the file to yourself. The file mentions a history of severe emotional trauma and burn scars due to a fire, which immediately catches your attention in more ways than one. It also mentions extensive facial scarring and a history of therapy that completely lacked significant progress. A part of it is a familiar story in your field𑁋it isn't uncommon for individuals to experience setbacks in their recovery.

But there's something about this patient's history that tugs oddly at your heartstrings.

As you rummage deeper into the file, you come across a brief note from a colleague who had previously assessed Moon Jun, mentioning he had been withdrawn and non-communicative during his stay, displaying anti-social behaviour, sometimes even having random bursts of aggression when approached. You take a mental note of all this in your head.

Closing the patient file, you rise from your chair and adjust the white coat draped around you, before leaving your office. You make your way through the sterile, fluorescent-lit hallways of the psychiatric facility. The environment here is all-too familiar to you; you've spent years navigating these halls. With every door you pass, there hides a different story; a different struggle; a different battle.

Upon finally reaching the room, you hesitate outside the door for a moment. The anticipation and curiosity surrounding you mixes with a touch of uncertainty, almost like fear, as they often do when meeting a new patient. You've been doing this for nearly ten years, and the feeling isn't new.

Then as you come back to your senses, you lift a hand, give a gentle knock to the door, before entering the room. It's dimly lit inside, the curtains ominously drawn on the windows to conceal the sunlight peeking through. A figure sits at the edge of the bed, back turned to you, and the hood of his hoodie pulled low over his head worn over his patient gown.

"Moon... Jun?" You call out softly, trying not to startle him.

He doesn't respond immediately, shoulders tensing at the sound of your voice. After a moment of silence, he slowly turns his head to acknowledge your presence. Half of his face is obscured by a mask, leaving only his dark eyes visible.

"Doctor," he replies gravelly.

His gaze lingers on you as you take a seat in a chair that sat against the wall next to the bed, keeping a respectful distance from him. You've encountered many patients who have initially shown distrust or apprehension, but there's an intensity in the way he looks at you that sends something chilling on the surface of your skin, especially when it's the only part of his face that you can see.

You try to break the ice with a polite smile. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Moon. My name is Dr. Y/N, and I'll be conducting our therapy sessions during your stay here. Please, make yourself as comfortable as you can."

He slowly nods, but his eyes never leave yours. The mask covering his face makes it difficult to read his expressions.

"Before we begin," You continue, clearing your throat. "I want you to know that this is a safe and confidential space. Our conversations are private, and I'm here to help you in any way I can𑁋to help you heal. You can share as much or as little as you're comfortable with."

You see the way his gloved hands clench together in his lap.

"I can't be healed," he mutters quietly, voice trembling as you sense the hopelessness in his tone. You've heard this phrase many times before during your career.

"I understand that you may feel that way right now," You reply, as soothingly as possible. "but I believe that with time and the right support, healing is possible for anyone. It's a journey, and I'm here to walk it with you. It's a process, and you don't have to go through it alone."

His gaze remains fixed on you, and the unsettling tension in the room lingers, almost palpable that you feel like there's an imaginary barrier between you and him that was enough for you to see this small part of him, while he can see all of you.

"Would you like to tell me a little bit about yourself? How do you feel coming here today?" You ask, hoping to begin the process of establishing some sort of connection.

He uncomfortably shifts a bit on the bed.

"I never wanted to come here," he says flatly. "They say this is a place of healing, but I've seen enough doctors like you. They prod and poke, dig into your past, and in the end, nothing changes. They don't know what I've been through, what I've seen. The scars, everything, they don't heal."

The words that leave his mouth are bitter and sour, yet you could only get yourself to nod sympathetically.

"It's not uncommon for people to feel that way, especially if they haven't found the right support. I want you to know that my approach is different. I'm here to listen, not to prod or poke." You glance down at the file in your hand and flip it over so that you couldn't see any information about him. "You're in control of our sessions, Mr. Moon. We can go at whatever pace you'd like."

He finally seems intrigued by this, leaning in ever so slightly, eyes devoid of colour that seemed to bore straight into yours.

"Control?" he repeats, voice still carrying a hint of skepticism.

You nod once more. "Yes, control. You get to decide what you want to talk about, what you're comfortable sharing, and at what pace. If there are topics you'd like to avoid or take your time with, that's completely okay. We can work together to create a safe space for you."

He seems to be taking in your words. "And... what if I choose not to talk at all?"

You offer a reassuring smile. "Then that's the option we can settle with."

The minutes that tick by seem dreadingly slow, and there's a light that dances in his eyes from the singular light fixture hanging above that almost resembles that of a flame. It doesn't go away even if he blinks, and it draws you in. Just a tiny bit.

"However, is there anything specific you'd like to share with me today, Mr. Moon?" You ask, trying to keep the conversation flowing. "Any thoughts or concerns you'd like to discuss?"

For a moment, it seems like he's about to speak, but then he shakes his head ever so slightly, his hooded gaze still locked onto yours.

"Very well then." You let out a very subtle, shaky breath. It felt almost relieving. Silence it is.

That's what most of the session has come to𑁋sitting in this peculiar silence, feeling his eyes burn a hole right through you. It isn't until the end of the hour that he calls out toward you just as you were about to his exit his room, and you turn back to face him.

"Can you heal me, doctor?" he asks quietly, almost begging in a way. It's unnerving.

All you do is give him a faint smile.

"I'll try my best, Mr. Moon."

FLASHBACK: 2013

"...All I could see were orange and red flames, and the smoke was hurting my eyes. I couldn't breathe𑁋just barely, but it hurt. It was painful. They were getting larger and larger and the screams louder and louder. Everything was gone."

"And what did you do while the fire kept growing?"

"I watched it all happen. I watched it all burn in front of me." The words had sent an eerie shiver up your spine, forcing the pen in your hands to stop mid-sentence. There was a singular pause that had come to follow, a harrowing silence that seemed to stretch into eternity, a subtle quiver in his voice that you barely caught. "There was nothing I could do."

You clicked your pen, its sound echoing in the tense silence. The room seemed to grow colder with each moment that passed.

"But it's all my fault, right?" he had asked, tone so innocent that it itches a part of your heart uncomfortably, but tugged in a way you felt determined to take root of the grief in his chest and rip it apart. And for a moment as you looked in his dark eyes, over his youthful features and guilt-ridden face, you felt that inkling feeling again. "I killed them. It's all my fault."

"None of this is your fault. Blaming yourself for something you couldn't control is a heavy burden to carry," You reassured him calmly, as gently as you could, knowing the power that your own words could cause for someone seemingly lost, troubled, and young. "You saved yourself. You're alive; you did what you could to survive, and you're here to heal. I'm here to help you heal, okay?"

Your reassurance was met with a fleeting smile, but it hadn't quite reach his eyes, yet his gaze peered directly into you as if searching for something in you𑁋you could only think it was hope. Hope that he wanted to heal just as much as you wanted to help him heal. It's your job. This was why you took this job in the first place.

You needed to save people, either from the demons in their minds or the traumas that haunted them. This boy had lost his entire family in a housefire, for God's sake. This was your duty.

"It's not my fault," he had said, and met your eyes, as if searching for approval. "It's not my fault."

"That's right, Hui." You offered him a faint, assuring smile. "It's not your fault."

PRESENT DAY: 2023

"Excuse me, Dr. L/N? Is it okay if I sit here?"

You glance up to see Seokmin holding up a tray of lunch food, returning you from your zoning thoughts. You shoot him a kind smile and a nod, motioning to the empty space across from you for him to have a seat. Usually, you frequently have lunch alone in the comfort of your office where you can tend to yourself in solitude, but today, you might as well welcome the company.

Seokmin sets his tray down and takes a seat, and for some minutes, there's a comfortable silence as you both begin to eat. He seems to notice the tired lines to your face, but he doesn't press on about it.

"Have you been settling in well?" You ask him suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Huh, me? Oh." He's a bit taken aback, cheeks flushed, and you give a soft chuckle. "You could say that. I wanted to try something new after working bedside for the longest time. I didn't think that psych would be a field I was interested in𑁋look where I am now, though."

"That's the thing about this field." You let out a sigh, giving a knowing smile. "It has a way of drawing you in, even if you didn't plan on it."

"It was definitely an experience when I was in nursing school," Seokmin comments eagerly. You felt as if you were talking to a close friend rather than another colleague, and it feels rather refreshing. "and doing ICU was already draining of itself."

You take a sip of your drink, nodding your head. "I can only imagine. It can be quite rigorous."

Seokmin lets his gaze wander over you curiously. "How long have you worked here, doctor?"

"Please, you can just call me Y/N. Unless we're working."

Seokmin smiles. "How long have you worked here then, Y/N?"

You pause for a moment. Thinking about the amount of years you've worked in this field hasn't been a particular thought to come up𑁋time just seems to fly by when it's the only job you've been dedicated to for most of your life.

"Hm, ten years now? I believe this month will mark my ten years here."

Seokmin's eyes visibly widen in awe before responding, "Wow, that's... You must have really seen a lot of things. I really envy you, doctor."

Your smile fades just a bit; it's barely noticeable, though you still hope that Seokmin doesn't see it. You can feel that feeling gnaw at your skin again, something inexplicable, like a sense of foreboding that seemed to be creaking open a door you believed to have firmly shut for good.

But you choose to push it aside, just like you always do, dismissing it perfectly with a mutter of a thank you. It's ironic, considering this is what you do𑁋normally you would tell patients to confront their past and face their fears, but when it comes to your own, you tend to bury them.

There's an itch that crawls up your arms, and you knead at it through your sleeves with your fingers.

Maybe you can get used to this company, though.

"Do you have any kids, doctor?"

The question comes after a click of your pen, and you glance up from the vitals sheet in your hand to see Moon Jun sitting criss-crossed on the bed, gloved hands sitting on his lap and pupils peering curiously over you.

"No, Mr. Moon," You reply, keeping your tone soft, somewhat nonchalant. "I don't have any children."

He tilts his head slightly, almost as if he's studying you like a specimen under a microscope. The mask on his face makes him appear even more enigmatic, his dark, even charming eyes the only feature you can discern.

"No family at all?" he asks. "No husband, wife, or children to go home to?"

"I live alone. My work keeps me quite occupied."

Some silence passes.

"Alone," he repeats, almost to himself, as if savouring the word in his mouth. "Don't you ever feel... lonely though?"

His question hangs in the air like a dark cloud. It's an oddly personal inquiry, but you decide to address it professionally. "Loneliness is a feeling that many people experience at different points in their lives. It's a normal human emotion, and it's something we can work through."

His gaze narrows, and his gloved fingers twitch in his lap. His mask conceals most of his facial expressions, but you can sense an intensity in his gaze.

"I've felt lonely my entire life, you know," he points out as you sit yourself down in the chair in front of him just like all your previous sessions. Despite the considerable space between you two, sometimes you swear you can feel him breathing right down your neck. "Even being in here too, it.... feels like a different kind of loneliness. A place where they put people who are broken. Like me."

"I can assure you that you are not broken, Mr. Moon," You tell him reassuringly. "How are you with meeting the other patients here? Are there any you have been interacting with since our last session?"

He leans back slightly, his gloved hands still resting on his lap, and his gaze seems to drift momentarily as if he's recalling something.

"I think... they are scared of me, to be honest," he answers, eyes crinkling just slightly as if there was a smile playing on his lips right below his mask. "But... perhaps they're all just lost, confused, and weak. They pretend to get better, but they're just putting on a show. It's a bit pathetic, don't you think?"

"It's not uncommon for people in this environment to have their guard up," You tell him. "Sometimes, it's just a reaction to the unfamiliar. Everyone here is dealing with their own battles, just as you are, Mr. Moon."

He chuckles lowly at that. It's the first time you've heard such a sound like that leave his mouth, like a dissonant note echoing in an otherwise quiet room. His masked face gives nothing away.

"Maybe it's because of this stupid mask on my face," he says, touching the mask with the tips of his fingers. "It makes me look like a criminal or a monster."

"The mask might be intimidating to some," You acknowledge, crossing your arms together. "but it doesn't define who you are."

His eyes narrow slightly, though there's that twinge of amusement as he crosses his arms together, mirroring your body language.

"You're not scared of me, right, doctor?"

You meet his steady gaze, his own searching yours from behind the mask. There's a moment of silence, something unspoken lingering in the air.

"No, Mr. Moon, I'm not scared of you," You respond, keeping yourself composed. "I'm here to understand you."

He leans back, that hint of amusement still present on his face.

"I think you would make a great parent, doctor."

The unexpected compliment catches you off-guard for a moment, making you briefly at a loss for words. There's a slight blush that crawls up your cheeks, and you clear your throat, trying to regain your composure.

"Thank you." You give an appreciative smile. "That's very kind of you to say."

You see that flickering flame in his pupils again. It's a fire that seems to burn brighter with each passing minute, and it leaves you both intrigued and uneasy.

FLASHBACK: 2013

"I told you not to call me that!" Hui exclaimed angrily in frustration, his face turning a shade of red as he glared at you. The sudden outburst had caught you off-guard, and for a moment, found yourself at a loss for words. His face contorted with volatile frustration, and his hands clenched into fists.

"I apologise," You said calmly, doing your best to defuse the situation. "I didn't mean to upset you. What would you like me to call you then?"

He took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm himself down. His shoulders slumped, and his expression softened slightly.

"Just call me by my nickname, okay?" he urged, voice a tad less sharp now, but it's still enough to pierce. "Hui is fine. I hate my name! It's ugly. I want to forget about it𑁋I want everyone to forget about it! That name doesn't exist anymore, got it?"

"Of course, I understand." You leaned back forward in your chair, slow and cautiously. "But I want you to tell me why you stole crayons from Chaewon earlier in the rec room."

Hui only scoffed in response. "It's not that big of a deal. I only took a few from her. She'll forget about it."

"You took something from someone else without permission, Hui," You explained matter-of-factly. "That's a violation of their personal space and boundaries."

Hui's focus darted around the room for a moment, lips pursed and fingers messing around with the frays of his hospital gown. Then his gaze hardened once more as he landed back on you. His silence was almost unsettling as it stretched between you, but you remained patient, waiting for him to offer an explanation.

"Fine, whatever," he muttered, finally relenting. "I wanted them for a project I'm working on, that's all."

"A project? What kind of project?"

"Back in group therapy... They wanted us to create something meaningful or something𑁋something that means a lot to us, and I needed the crayons for it. So I took them from her."

It took a couple of moments before you nodded, acknowledging his explanation. "I see, Hui. It's important to express yourself through art or projects, but it's also important to respect others' belongings. Try asking for what you need instead of taking it without permission, okay?"

Hui's response was a simple, noncommittal nod, eyes holding onto yours a moment too long.

"Now, the next time you're back in the rec room, please say sorry to Chaewon whenever you see her, okay?"

Again, all he did was nod begrudgingly, his expression showing a hint of reluctance.

"Good." You gave him a proud smile. "That's all for today. Tell me about your project next session, alright?"

You felt his eyes on you as you grabbed your case notes and stood up, before leaving him in his room. And even though you were out of his room, you swore you could still feel the weight of his gaze on you.

PRESENT DAY: 2023

You find Moon Jun sitting on the edge of the bed once entering inside of his room, gloved hands folded neatly in his lap. The mask obscures his face as usual, but his dark eyes lock onto yours the moment you walk inside. The dim lighting in the room casts long shadows on the walls, and you find yourself drawn into those shadows as you take a seat across from him.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Moon," You greet warmly, taking your usual seat across from him. "How has your day been so far?"

He doesn't immediately respond. There's a hint of curiosity in his hooded eyes, but it's devoid of warmth. It's subtle, almost imperceptible, but you've learned to pay attention to the smallest details when dealing with patients over the years. It still sends a shiver down your spine.

"Just been like any other day in this place," he finally replies coolly.

You offer a polite smile and proceed with the session. "Is there anything specific you'd like to discuss for today's session, Mr. Moon?"

He thinks for a moment, tapping his gloved fingers lightly against his knee. The rhythmic sound seems to echo in the room.

"Are you interested in mythology, doctor?" he asks, and the question was certainly something you didn't expect him to ask. He continues, "I've always had an interest in it growing up, so I was wondering if you did too."

You chuckle quietly. "I wish I could say the same, but... I guess I found it intriguing at times."

"Surely you must have heard some stories though." He giggles at this, unclasping his hands together and propping himself right at the edge of the bed so that he's leaning forward, his masked face closer to yours. The dim light makes it hard to see his features clearly, and the shadows in the room seem to grow darker, more pronounced. "Are you familiar with the creature, the phoenix?"

You pause for a moment to think, before giving a slow, careful nod. "I've... definitely heard of it."

"The phoenix," he murmurs, voice a soft, hypnotic cadence. "It's a beautiful creature of rebirth and fire, isn't it?"

The mention of fire makes you shift slightly in your seat.

"Mr. Moon, I'm not entirely sure where you're𑁋"

You're interrupted as he leans even closer, his masked face now mere inches from yours, his dark eyes locking onto yours with an intense and unsettling focus. The shadows play tricks on your vision, making it feel like the walls are closing in on you.

"I just find it fascinating," he continues. "The idea of burning away the old and rising from the ashes anew. It's like a fresh start, a chance to be reborn. Do you believe in second chances, doctor?"

You swallow the lump in your throat. His intense gaze, shrouded by the mask, seems to hold you almost captive and confined to the chair you sat on, and his words seem to echo in the confined space.

"I... I believe that everyone deserves a chance to heal and grow, Mr. Moon," You respond carefully, trying to regain your composure. "But it's also important to work through the past before embracing the future."

He tilts his head slightly, as if considering your words. The room remains eerily quiet, the shadows deepening around you.

"Do you believe people can truly change?" he asks, voice softer now, almost pleading.

You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of his question sitting right on your chest.

"I believe that change is possible, Mr. Moon," You reply gently, choosing your words with care. "People have the capacity to grow and evolve, and to make choices that lead to a more positive outlook. But this varies from person to person𑁋if they are willing to put in the effort to do so."

For a moment, the tension in the room seems to dissipate slightly. The shadows on the walls appear to retreat, and the dim light feels less suffocating.

"Doctor," he finally speaks, voice low despite only being the two of you in the room, like he's telling you a secret. "what if... those flames of the past have burned too brightly, leaving nothing but ashes behind?"

You furrow your brows. "I-I would say𑁋"

"It's what happened to me, doctor, don't you understand?" he snaps suddenly, standing up from the bed to step closer to you. "You can't possibly understand what it's like to fucking lose everything, to watch it all burn in front of your fucking eyes! This is why I did this𑁋I put my life into the phoenix. I burned what was left of me, and now I'm here, in this absolute hellhole."

"Mr. Moon, I need you to calm down, please𑁋"

There's a flash of anger that shoots through his eyes, the flame burning in his pupils brighter than before. The atmosphere grows tense in the snap of a finger, and you instinctively stand up to bring yourself in the direction of the door to the room, maintaining a safe distance, acutely aware of the limited space and the fact that you're alone with him. There's an emergency button within reach where you can call for help whenever needed.

You can't get yourself to respond, feeling frozen from the way you can feel your heart pounding anxiously in your chest from his close proximity. He takes a step back, his hands trembling slightly as he clenches and unclenches them. The room seems to regain a semblance of normalcy, but the tension still lingers in the air, and you still can't move.

You watch as he cowers back towards the bed, leaving you standing next to the door. You felt as if you've been holding your breath, like you were submerged underwater and your fight or flight instincts were kicking in.

"You won't give up on me, right, doctor?" he asks, and the way he says it so weakly, naively, makes your head spin. "You can trust me, right?"

You smooth out your white coat, placing yourself back down in the seat across from him anticipatingly.

"I... I trust you," You mutter meekly. "I won't give up on you."

The corner of his eyes crinkle again. He's smiling. You can see it through the mask.

"How lovely," he states sweetly. "We're on the right track, then."

"Y/N𑁋I mean Dr. L/N, are you okay?" Seokmin's voice comes up from behind as you walk yourself towards your office, feeling completely and utterly scatterbrained from the events of the past hour.

As Seokmin's voice reaches your ears, you take a deep breath to steady yourself. You turn to Seokmin and offer him a reassuring smile, though it doesn't quite reach your eyes, but seeing him in front of you already makes you feel a tad bit better.

"I'm fine, Seokmin, thank you." Your voice carries a hint of exhaustion and residual unease. "Just a challenging session, but I'm okay."

Seokmin just nods, but as you were about to turn around, he says, "If you... uh, ever need someone to talk to or anything, just know I'm here for you, okay? It can be tough, I've heard."

You smile gratefully at him, this time genuinely reaching your eyes. It feels like a breath of fresh air talking to him.

"Thank you," You tell him. "I might just have to take you up on that someday."

Seokmin scratches the back of his neck shyly and returns your smile with a warm one of his own. "Well, you know where to find me."

You stand still for a moment as Seokmin begins to dismiss himself away to resume his rounds, but just then, you feel a sudden idea pop up in your head.

"Seokmin, wait!" You exclaim after the man, who immediately turns around to the sound of your voice, peering at you worriedly. "Actually, there's something... Could you do me a favour?"

His eyes light up curiously. "Sure, what do you want me to do?"

You step up closer to him, looking around to ensure no one else was listening in.

"Can you help find me more information about the patient in 610?" You lean in, lowering your voice to a hushed tone. "I'd like to know more about his background, more than what's in his file right now, or just anything that might help me understand him better."

Seokmin raises a brow briefly but nods either way. "I'll see what I can do, Dr. L/N."

FLASHBACK: 2013

The rec room was buzzing with activity as you entered, giving a chance for patients to interact with others and engage in activities outside of their rooms. Laughter, conversation, and the occasional burst of youthful energy filled the air; it’s a striking comparison to the somber atmosphere of the individual therapy sessions you usually conducted.

As you glanced around to find Hui, you finally caught sight of the boy sitting alone at a table in the very corner of the room. He appeared seemingly engrossed on the piece of paper in front of him, an array of crayons sat on the table. His focus was so intense that he seemed completely oblivious to the world around him.

You approached Hui's table with a gentle smile. "Hui, how are you doing today?"

Hui looked up from his drawing, eyes meeting yours briefly. "I'm fine," he replied coldly. "Just drawing."

You glanced down at his artwork, which depicted a scene of fire and destruction. The flames consumed a house, while stick-figure people screamed in the windows, their tiny, distorted faces twisted in agony. The only colours there would be that of the orange and red gigantic flame that enveloped the jagged, blackened lines of the house.

"That's... quite a powerful drawing, Hui," You commented as you took a seat right next to him. "What made you choose this subject?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, eyes not leaving his paper. "It's just what I felt like drawing."

"Is this supposed to represent what happened to your family?"

Hui only continued to mindlessly colour his drawing, his crayon moving across the paper with deliberate strokes.

"Maybe," he replied stoically. "I saw it all happen, but I couldn't do anything."

You studied Hui's face for a moment, but his expression remained blank, his focus entirely on the drawing. His mien was calm, almost eerily so, in comparison to the disturbing scene of destruction right below his fingertips.

"Can you tell me more about what you saw, Hui?" You asked him.

He glanced at you briefly, and for a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something in his eyes. But it was gone so quickly that you couldn't be sure if you had imagined it.

"I already told you," he pressed. "I saw the fire, and I watched everything burn. It wasn't my fault that it happened."

You nodded, acknowledging his words, and continued to watch him work on the drawing.

"Did you ever feel sad about what happened, Hui?" You questioned.

Hui's face only remained impassive as he answered, "It won't change anything."

You could only think about all the trauma he must have endured𑁋from losing his family and being the sole survivor of such a ruinous event, to having to deal with all the emotions at once that it must feel almost numbing inside of him.

"Did anyone help you during or after the fire, Hui?" You prodded calmly.

He still didn't look up from his drawing. "Some firefighters came, and they put out the fire. But they couldn't save my family."

You felt that pang of sympathy for Hui as he mentioned the firefighters' futile attempts to save his family all while he was waiting right outside the house. It was clear that the traumatic experience had locked his emotions away behind a stoic, desensitized façade.

"I'm sorry to hear about your family, Hui," You said softly. "It's completely okay to feel sad or angry about what happened."

Hui's hand paused briefly in its colouring, but he didn't look up. You glanced down to the paper, noticing that he was drawing something in the corner, almost appearing like some sort of bird, like some sort of crow or cardinal.

"I don't feel much about it anymore. It's just the way things are."

Your eyes drift from his drawing, concern deepening, but you understood that emotional numbing was a common coping mechanism for trauma survivors. In a way, it's like a protective shell around oneself to prevent further pain. The emotional scars ran deep, and sometimes, it was easier for them to keep their feelings at bay rather than confront the overwhelming grief and sorrow that lurked beneath the surface.

That is what you attributed with Hui𑁋what you always had when he first came here. And you promised him patience and that it took time to fully heal.

"I'll leave you be now, okay?" You stood up from the seat, giving the young boy a reassuring squeeze to the shoulder.

Hui doesn't respond, still engrossed in his drawing. You took a step back, leaving him to his artwork, and decided to check on some of the other children in the room for the time being.

You swore you could feel his eyes on you as you walked away.

PRESENT DAY: 2023

Your eyes are practically lasering holes right through the manila folder of Moon Jun's file.

The file only houses the basics𑁋his medical history, therapy notes, and observations from the staff. But there's something missing, something you can't quite put your finger on. His background information is limited, and there are no records of any family members or relatives listed. It's as if he appeared out of nowhere.

A knock on your office door makes you jump, and you quickly open your eyes to see Seokmin standing there with a stack of papers in his hands, concern etched on his face.

"Sorry, did I startle you?" he asks, stepping inside your office.

You offer a tired smile. "A bit, but it's okay. Come in."

Seokmin walks further into your office, closing the door lightly behind him. He takes a moment to study your expression, clearly noticing the exhaustion and frustration on your face. You let out a sigh and lean back in your chair, rubbing your temples with your fingertips as Seokmin sits down right across from you.

"So, I tried to do some digging, as you asked." Seokmin places the stack of papers on the desk. "It wasn't easy to look into his medical history, but I think this might be important."

You straighten up in your chair, your exhaustion momentarily forgotten as you lean in to examine the stack of papers Seokmin has brought. However, what you expected is to see information regarding him, but instead, you see news reports.

"I... I don't know if any of these can be related, but I found a few unsolved cases of arson over the years. It might be the cause of his facial scarring," Seokmin explains. "I think one of them happened at an orphanage, another at an abandoned warehouse nearby, and another at a small church a few miles from here."

You carefully pick up one of the articles and start to read the details. The article mentions a fire at an orphanage several years ago that resulted in the tragic loss of lives. The incident remained unsolved, with no clear cause identified. Then you come across another article about the fire at the warehouse, and it, too, was a case that had perplexed investigators, leaving it unsolved.

"...and I also think there was one about a family from around... nine? Ten years ago? I didn't read all the details of it, but I believe only one survived𑁋"

That's when you feel your heart drop all the way down to the ground, into the ground at that point, eyes widening as the gasp that leaves your mouth cuts Seokmin off. You're already standing up, fingers trembling, as you frantically shuffle through the articles he had provided for you.

"Where can I find that one? Is it here?"

Your adamancy surprises Seokmin as he scrambles through the papers before taking one out and offering it to you. You take the article from his hands. The paper is slightly crumpled, and the ink is faded, but the headline is still clear: "Family Tragedy Claims Lives, Sole Survivor Emerges."

The only survivor was a teenage boy, whose name was redacted from the article for privacy.

But you know exactly who it is.

The article describes how he had been found by the firefighters, huddled on the lawn outside the burning house, his eyes blank with shock. Authorities had attempted to investigate, but the case quickly went cold due to lack of evidence. It also mentions that the boy had lost his entire family that night and was assumed to be too traumatised to provide any coherent information about the fire's cause, which later caused him to be sent to a psychiatric facility due to the trauma.

"Doctor, what is this?" Seokmin interrupts your thoughts as he brings up another paper from view.

You glance up from the article to meet Seokmin's gaze, the urgency in his eyes mirroring your own. He unfolds it carefully, and as your eyes scan the headline, your heart sinks further: "Tragic Fire Engulfs Local Psychiatric Facility."

As you read through it, you swear you feel the same flames dancing up the skin of your arms. This article reports a fire that occurred exactly ten years ago at the very psychiatric facility where both you and Seokmin currently work. You were there that night. It was only your first year as a psychologist at the facility, still learning the ropes of your profession. The memories you've long tried to suppress come flooding back.

The sound of alarms blaring, the acrid smell of smoke, the frantic efforts to evacuate patients, and the feeling of utter helplessness as the flames consumed parts of the facility. It had left scars on your soul, scars you thought you had buried deep over the years.

That boy was one of your first ever patients.

Your arms are itching again, and you can almost feel the searing heat from that night a decade ago.

"Y/N, are you... are you okay?" Seokmin asks. You can see the worry in his eyes, but you're not sure if you can answer his question.

You swallow hard, your throat dry as you try to find your voice. "Yeah, I just... Sorry, reading this article, and..."

That's when Seokmin gets it. "Were you..." His eyes lower down to where one of your hands is clawing anxiously at the sleeves of your arm, and he immediately takes away the article from view. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. I didn't know you were..."

You manage a weak smile as you bring your arms back down to your side, hugging yourself instead. "It's alright. You didn't know."

Seokmin doesn't seem entirely convinced, for a moment feeling stuck on what to say. "Are you sure that you're up for this? We can always𑁋"

"Yes," You say boldly. "It'll be okay."

You take a deep breath.

"I'll be okay."

"You seem troubled today, doctor."

In the dimly lit room, Moon Jun's observation is shrewd as always, whose calculating eyes seem to analyse every twitch of your expression as you both sit in the room together, right across from each other, with him hovering over you while you felt feeling like a cowering mouse trapped in a cage.

You flash him a faint, grateful smile. "I appreciate your concern, but let's focus back on you now, shall we?"

"Uh-uh, doctor," he taunts, crossing his arms together and shaking his head dismissively. Even in the darkness of the room, you swear you see his lips curl into a smirk under that damn mask of his. "If I'm not mistaken, you said at the very beginning that I have control over what I want to talk about in our sessions. I realise I hardly know anything about you! Isn't that funny? I consider you a dear friend, you know. You're the only person in this place who even makes the effort to talk with me."

The weight of his words suspend like a dense fog. You can hear the faint hum of the ventilation system, see the way the lone light fixture in the room seems to flicker intermittently. It plays tricks on your perception, making his features appear to morph and shift, all while his eyes are practically dissecting you.

"Friendship... is built on trust," You reply cautiously. "But our sessions are designed for your benefit. My role here is to help you, not the other way around, and my personal life is not relevant for this."

He leans in closer, his eyes never leaving yours, and you can feel his intense focus like a physical weight. You're caught in the gravitational pull of his eyes, his relentless gaze that seems to strip away your defenses. "But, doctor, how can you truly help me if you don't open up a little?"

He tilts his head, the mask inches away from your face, his eyes boring into yours.

"We could be more than what we are right now, couldn't we, doctor?" he whispers, feeling his cold breath against your skin even through the mask, and you close your eyes. "I could make you feel things you've never felt before𑁋"

"Stop! Please!" You yell out unexpectedly, hearing nothing but the unsteadiness of your breaths and the echo of your own voice in the dim room. Your eyes snap back open; he's not hovering over you, and the disturbing scenario you had just experienced was nothing more than a figment of your imagination.

Instead, Moon Jun is calmly seated away from you, watching you intently from the bed. There's a curious glint in his eyes, one that suggests he's found your reaction to be rather... entertaining.

"Doctor, you do seem to be quite troubled today," he remarks almost playfully, voice dripping with amusement that shoots goosebumps up your skin. "Seeing things, aren't we?"

You can't quite find the words to respond, and the sensation of his cold breath against your skin still lingers in your memory.

"You must think about me a lot, day and night possibly, if you imagine such things," he teases, and you feel the way his words crawl under your skin. "You probably wonder what lies behind this mask of mine, don't you? You're a special friend𑁋perhaps you deserve to see it."

You watch the way his gloved fingers toy with the edges of his mask, and for a moment, it seems like he's contemplating something. The room is so silent that you can hear your own heart pounding in your chest.

Then without warning, he reaches up and slowly starts to peel off the mask, revealing the face hidden beneath. Your breath catches in your throat as his visage is unveiled.

His face is tainted by a network of scars, the skin tissue looking raw and discoloured. The scars extend from his jawline up to his cheeks and forehead, giving his face an almost grotesque and nightmarish appearance. Some scars look like they were caused by something sharp, while others appear more like burns. There were also some that seemed almost... fresher than others. His lips, once hidden by the mask, are twisted into a smirk that sends shivers down your spine.

"You wanted to see, didn't you, doctor?" he asks, voice low and taunting. "You wanted to know what's behind this mask."

You can't tear your gaze away from his disfigured face, and you're overwhelmed by a mix of curiosity, horror, and a strange fascination.

"Are you surprised, doctor?" he continues, voice now tinged with mockery. "Do I look like a monster to you?"

You can't seem to respond just yet, eyes still peering over him as if trying to discern the features of his face. There's this wave of familiarity that seems to hit you, as if you've seen those certain details before. A nagging feeling tugs at the corners of your memory like a half-forgotten dream.

You squint, trying to connect the dots between the disfigured face before you and the dim recollection buried deep within your mind. The way the scars twist and curl, the faint traces of burn marks𑁋it's all so eerily and hauntingly familiar. You swear you've seen those eyes before. He watches your expression closely, as if he can read your thoughts, and those eyes that seem to follow your every move, your every thought𑁋

And then it hits you. It hits you like a freight train on the tracks that was beyond avoidable. It hits you like a tidal wave crashing against the shore of your conscience, leaving wreckage to be abandoned and forgotten forever in its wake. It hits you like a thunderstorm tearing apart a peaceful, sunny day.

"Hui...?" is all you manage to choke out.

Images from the past flash before your eyes𑁋Hui, the young boy you once knew, whose face was marked with troubled innocence and a haunting vulnerability that had drawn you to him in the first place. You had watched him grow, had nurtured the fragile trust he had placed in you. You recall your early sessions together, hearing all the painful details of the fire that had torn his life apart.

His smirk deepens, and his eyes gleam with an uncanny satisfaction.

"Hui died ten years ago, doctor," he says with a cold, haunting certainty. "He died in that same fire that set this place ablaze. I'm sure you remember that very well, don't you?"

The room seems to close in on you, and the memories of that fateful night come rushing back like a torrential downpour. The fire, the chaos, the screams. It had been a nightmarish scene, etched into your memory like the faint scars that plague your arms from that very night.

But before you could respond, you felt something vibrate in your pocket. It's the end of your session.

FLASHBACK: 2013

The fire alarm rang.

It was blaringly loud, completely jolting you out of your chair in the silence that carried through your office. Your heart raced as the panic had begun to sink in, the blood-red light of the alarm painted the muted colours of your office walls with a surreal, macabre-like glow, and the acrid scent of smoke was beginning to fill your lungs.

You reached for the door handle, but your trembling hands fumbled, and it wouldn't budge. You tried again and again, the cold sweat on your palms making it even more difficult to grip.

"Wh-What the hell?" You shakily muttered to yourself, before bringing your fists up to pound on the door. "Hello? Someone help me! I'm in here! Someone!"

The panic intensified as the fire alarm continued its relentless wail as you continued to pound on the door. Smoke started to seep in from the edges of your office door, and you could feel the heat of the flames approaching. You coughed, choking on the sharp fumes that stung your throat. It felt like the walls were closing in on you. Fuck, fuck, what do you do? How the hell was the fire spreading so fast?

You were trapped. You were going to die.

The windows! You remembered the windows. Desperation drove you to the large window on the wall. Instinctively, you grabbed a chair and used it to break it, the sound of shattering glass ringing in your ears, the shards grazing against your skin and the palm of your hands, making you let out a sharp gasp. Blood trickled from the cuts on your hands, and as you peered down to the ground below, you realised that you were too high above the ground for a safe jump.

The fire was only getting closer and closer.

As you hesitated by the shattered window, a muffled voice from the hallway reached your ears. "Is anyone in there? We're trying to get you out!"

Your eyes widened as you stumbled back to the door. "I'm in here! Please help!"

"Step back! We're breaking down the door!"

You stepped back from the window as much as you could and away from the smoke, feeling the flames inching closer. Your vision blurred as you fought to breathe, eyes stinging with tears from the dry air.

Moments later, a loud crash resounded through the room as the door burst open. A group of firefighters rushed in, their protective gear making them look like otherworldly figures emerging from the haze. They quickly located you, wrapped you in a fire-resistant blanket, and led you to safety.

Once you were outside, an emergency medical team checked you over for any injuries, plastered up your arms, and administered oxygen. You were shaken, bruised, and suffering from smoke inhalation, but you were alive. Somehow. In some way.

Then, you found your mind drifting back to Hui. Did he manage to get out safely? Where was he? Questions swirled in your mind as you watched the firefighters work tirelessly to contain the blaze. God, he must not be in the right state of mind after witnessing yet another fire himself.

"Excuse me..." You weakly called out to a paramedic, voice barely a whisper.

The paramedic turned to you, concern etched on their face beneath their protective gear. "Yes, are you okay?"

You swallowed hard, barely getting your words together. "I was in there... in the building. I have some patients... uh... Do you know if they made it out? I need to know if they're safe."

The paramedic exchanged a glance with another passing colleague, eyes hidden behind their mask, before returning back to you and shaking their head.

"We're still searching for survivors and dealing with the fire," they explained. "We can't give you any information right now. I'm truly sorry. I'll let them know to keep a lookout. Can you describe them for me?"

You described what your other patients and what Hui looked like as much as you could, and the emergency worker took down all the information before walking away to tend to others.

The silence that followed was suffocating, perhaps even more than what you endured inside the building, and you found it difficult to hold back tears of frustration from flowing down your face.

As the smoke gradually dissipated and the flames were brought under control, the once-deafening alarm was reduced to sporadic chirps and the occasional distant rumble of falling debris. The scene around you was one of destruction, merely charred remains of a place that was filled with hope and healing.

You glanced down at your trembling, injured hands and arms and see the cuts from the shattered window, yet the physical pain was nothing compared to the anguish in your heart, and the fear and guilt that gnawed at you. You lost patients whom you had sworn to protect, had sworn𑁋no, promised to heal.

It was only when the search and rescue teams began to wind down their efforts that you realised the search for Hui had come with no results. All of your other patients were safe, but him. There was no sign of him anywhere, as if he slipped off the face of the earth.

A firefighter approached you some time later, his face covered in soot appearing both exhausted and empathetic.

"I'm sorry," he spoke, voice heavy with regret and defeat. "We've searched every area we could access, but we haven't found anyone else. The fire was intense, and... I'm truly sorry."

His words hit you like a hammer blow, and you felt your heart sink even further. You had dedicated your life to saving others, and yet it seemed that you might have failed to save one.

"Thank... Thank you for trying," You mumbled to the firefighter, nodding in acknowledgement. "And thank you for risking your lives to save us."

PRESENT DAY: 2023

The clouds outside obscure any hints of sunlight, and the overcast sky casts a sad, grey hue over the world outside. The room feels dim and lonely despite the overhead lights. You try to ignore that particular gnawing feeling to your skin as you sit at your desk, waiting for your next session with Moon Jun to start. It'll happen anytime now𑁋perhaps the more you anticipate will make time go by slower.

However your thoughts are interrupted by the soft knock at your door, and you look up to see Seokmin standing there. He offers you a warm smile as you motion for him to come inside, and you swear you see small ray of sunshine break through the clouds outside at the corner of your eye.

"Hey, how're you holding up?" he asks. "I wanted to check up on you."

You tilt your head a bit giddily at the sight of him. "We just had lunch break together, Seokmin."

He rolls his eyes at this, scratching the back of his neck bashfully. "I know, I know, but I... Well, is there a rule here that says I can't see you twice in one day when we're not working?"

Your lips purse together thoughtfully. "I guess not."

"Good." He grins, but it's quick to fade once he takes another look at you. "so... how have you been?"

The soft concern in Seokmin's voice is almost like a comforting hug for your ragged nerves. Normally it's your duty to ask your patients those kinds of questions, not the other way around. You offer him a tired but appreciative smile as he settles into the chair across from your desk. It's a rare moment when the roles are reversed, even if it's just for one short minute.

"You look tired," Seokmin points out, and it makes you let out a chuckle, even though it's tinged with weariness.

"You have a good eye, Seokmin," You reply playfully, and he blushes at this. "Do you want to know what I've been dreaming about the past few weeks?

Seokmin thinks about it for a second, then his eyes widen slightly.

"Is it... the fire?" he queries, hoping there's that small chance he might be wrong.

Your steady gaze meets his.

"Yes," You admit casually. "It's always the fire."

Or specifically, it's the fire and the guilt that you weren't able to save anyone, and it had been eating away at you ever since that fateful day.

His face softens at this, then he feels himself hesitate for a brief moment, before slowly reaching out to place his hand over yours on the desk. His touch is warm and reassuring, and you can feel the genuine concern in his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry you have to go through that, I wish there was a way I could... you know, stop you from reliving those kinds of things." His words make your lips twitch upwards, and he knows he's done something right. He finishes your smile with one of his own. "But... you're not alone in this. Just know I'm here."

"You've been helping me this entire time, Seokmin," You assure him. "If anything, I should be the one thanking you."

The weight of all the memories and unhealed scars left behind still cling to you like shadows. But in the presence of Seokmin, the burdens seem a little lighter, the darkness a bit less suffocating. The room seems a bit less lonely as you both sit there, just like all the days you eat lunch together where you seem to look forward to seeing him sit with you, and the sound of the clock ticking on the wall serves as a reminder that time keeps moving forward.

Before you know it, it's as if you've been struck by a gong that you could only hear, and you knew it was time to move forward with your session. You take your hand away from Seokmin as you stand up, and he follows suit.

"Y/N, wait, um..." Seokmin stops you before you could leave, and you turn back to him. "If something bad happens, or if you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out to me, even outside of work. I... want to make sure you're okay."

His words warm your heart, and you shoot him a thankful look.

"I know I can," You say, while opening the door to the outside of your office. "Thank you, Seokmin."

When you enter inside room 610, you spot Moon Jun sitting on the chair that you were supposed to sit in, his posture relaxed and arms crossed almost impatiently. He didn't wear the mask on his face, and he appeared confident, somewhat smug. It was the only other chair in the room. The other place for you to sit would be... the bed. This isn't how a typical therapy session begins.

"Doctor, I was just thinking about you!" he exclaims excitedly. "Please, go ahead and sit down on the bed. I thought it would be great to change things up a little. You wouldn't mind, would you?"

You hesitate for a moment, glancing between him and the bed. Maintaining your professionalism, you make your way to the bed and sit down, folding your hands in your lap. Something brushes against your leg for a moment, you look down to see a sheet of paper sitting next to you, and a plethora of crayons resting on top.

"Please bare with me for the mess, I was busy drawing before you came in," he tells you, voice almost cheery and... delighted?

As you sit on the bed, his demeanour only raises more questions than answers. He appears unusually relaxed, and his eagerness is disturbing. It's unlike him.

"Of course, that's fine with me," You tell him casually.

There's a grin that spreads across his scarred face, and it brings an uncomfortable twist to your stomach, but you don't let it show, though at this point you feel that he can sense your nervousness, your unease, knowing there's history between you two you thought to have burned away in the back of your mind.

Yet it had all come back just like his reemergence back into your life𑁋into something more sinister.

"He talks to me sometimes, even though he's perished in the flames," Jun begins, grabbing the paper right next to you. "You remember his drawings, right? Back in that big, bright room... where beneath all those smiles of the other patients was just... hopelessness."

Then he flips the paper over, and you find yourself peering at a drawing of flames, and the uncanny similarity to Hui's artwork all those years ago cannot be ignored. You see the same vivid depiction of flames, the swirling reds and oranges dancing on the page, and the black lines of its remains. But more than that, it's the emotions that these drawings evoke, the overwhelming sense of dread, and the traumatic memories that it unsheathes. He's the personification of the fire that scarred you all those years ago.

You feel a lump form in your throat. "Hui..."

"I-I am not Hui!" he wails out unexpectedly, voice shaking with anger. His hand grips the crayon so tightly that it snaps in his grasp, the colour streaking across the paper. "Hui is dead, remember? Burned by the flames?"

"If you're not Hui, then who are you?" You ask almost pleadingly.

His fingers toy with the broken crayon as he leans in closer, his disfigured face mere inches from yours. His gaze pierces through you like a knife, and in the dimly lit room, the shadows play tricks on his scarred face, making his disfigurement seem even more malformed.

"The phoenix, don't you remember, doctor?" He chuckles lowly. "It's a creature reborn from the ashes of its own destruction, risen from the flames just like me. Rebirth and fire, doctor! You haven't been paying attention, have you?"

You sense the panic seeping inside you, causing your heart to race. His words send shivers down your spine, and you realise that he's explaining with a belief that goes beyond mere delusion, beyond repair. The scars on his face are only a fraction of the damage done. He claims to have risen from the ashes, taking on a new identity, giving him this motive of... cleaning the world with fire.

Cleaning the world...

...with fire.

Ashes of its own destruction....

"You..." You slowly rise up from the bed, the room suddenly feeling too confining. The door seemed like it was miles away, and you find your breathing shaky and unsteady. "You were... you caused those fires, didn't you?"

His eyes fixate and narrow down on you as you stand up from the bed, and a sly smile spreads across his scarred face. His gaze is intense, and you feel like you're trapped. You recall the sessions you had with him years ago that you thought were leading him toward healing. But now, you face a man who has fully embraced a twisted ideology.

"I didn't cause those fires," he responds with eerie calmness. "I simply set things in motion."

"You𑁋You killed innocent people, you were the one... from ten years ago... You𑁋"

"They were all lost, meaningless, and I brought meaning to their lives. What's so hard to understand?" he deadpans.

"You killed your family," You state. "How can... how can you justify that?"

"Hui killed his family, I didn't," he claims, crumpling up the piece of paper in his hands. "Hui started all of this, I'm merely just a follower. He was misunderstood his entire life, and you promised him healing, which you didn't fulfill."

The room feels like it's boiling you alive, and you're stuck in an endless maze of his twisted delusions. There's a sense of helplessness as you try to reach through to the man behind the scars, the one who once sought your help, but you fear that he's too far gone.

"Jun, this isn't the answer. The… the phoenix is not real,” You plead, your voice trembling. "Hui was troubled, yes, but violence is not the path to understanding or redemption. It only leads to more pain and destruction."

His expression only hardens as he throws the crumpled up piece of paper on the floor, gloved hands forming fists at his side.

"You think you can help people by sitting in your comfy chair, listening to their problems, and scribbling notes on a fucking notepad." He scoffs annoyedly, leaning back in his chair. "You're just like all the others, doctor, so dumb and worthless. You never understood... You say that you do, but you don't."

And just as you were about to speak, you watch him pull something out of the pocket of his patient gown. You squint your eyes, and a gasp shudders out of you when you notice what's in his hands.

A lighter.

"You people are just so gullible, all while you're thinking you're helping," he mutters, flicking the lighter on. The tiny flame dances at the tip, casting bizarre shadows across his scarred face. "When in reality, you're laughing behind our backs with your stupid cigarettes and your fancy degrees. You wouldn't believe the things you can find in a place like this. It's amazing what people leave lying around."

There's an arrow that penetrates through your heart, an arrow of betrayal, helplessness. How can he think of you this way when you dedicated your entire time to helping him heal all those years ago? How can he, of all people, not see that your intentions were always to provide support and understanding?

You can feel the room heating up, not just from the small flame but from the growing tension. Jun's eyes are locked onto the flickering fire of the lighter, and his words are plagued with bitter resentment. You attempt to scurry to the door, but he blocks your way, nearly shoving the flame of the lighter in your face.

"Don't you see how beautiful this is, doctor?" he utters in a trance-like state, as if the flame was hypnotising him. The orange and yellow hues reflect onto his soulless eyes. He moves the lighter dangerously close to your face, and you can feel the searing heat radiating from the tiny inferno at the tip of your nose.

Your heart pounds like a beating drum, beads of sweat form on your forehead, and your breathing quickens as panic threatens to engulf you. But his gaze only remains possessed on the fire, as if he's being consumed by the very flames he holds in his hands.

"It's so beautiful how something so small can hold so much power," he murmurs, voice barely more than a whisper.

"This... This isn't the way to find meaning or healing," You respond, slowly backing away from him, trying to create some distance between the flame and yourself. "Fire and destruction only lead to more suffering, more pain. It's not the answer, Jun."

For a split second, something flickers in Jun's eyes, as if a fragment of his former self tries to break free from the shackles of his obsession. But it's a fleeting moment, quickly devoured by his fixation on the fire.

"There are... There are people who want to help you. Don't you remember all of our sessions together? All the... all the breakthroughs we had? You were making progress, Jun. You were on your way to healing." You bring your hand up as if in defense, watching him closely as he steps the tiniest inch closer to you. "I... I want to help you, I always have. I..."

He stares at you, and for a moment, it seems like your words might be getting through to him.

"Let me help you, Hui."

But just when you think your words may have struck a chord, his face contorts into a menacing grin and you can see the flame reflect onto his eyes. The last fragile thread of sanity that seemed to linger has snapped.

"You failed Hui that night, just like you failed me." He chuckles darkly. "You couldn't save us. Do you really think you can save everyone, doctor? Do you really think all the patients you've helped all these years are any better off now?"

Now, you found yourself speechless, a tight grip around your throat from his words.

He laughs coldly, waving the flame in front of your face once more. "You're so blind, doctor. You want to heal and save everyone, but you can't save me, and you can't save yourself. I can see it in your eyes."

He’s getting in your head, you know he is. He's trying to loosen your grip on whatever reality is𑁋attempting to unravel in your mind that you were, in some way, responsible for the events that had occurred over the years, forcing you to succumb to the guilt placed on your shoulders. You've never dealt with someone so deeply rooted to their own twisted reality. You can't reason with him.

It's impossible.

But you refuse to be the victim of your own past just like you had made yourself to be.

"Junhui," You call out urgently, and the use of his real name brings a harsh, foreign taste to your tongue. You notice the way he flinches slightly to it. "That person still exists inside you𑁋I-I know it does. Please, let that part of you come back. I'm here to listen, to understand, and to help. No matter what you believe."

The flame continues to sway at the end of the lighter, yet his face remains deformed into that unsettling grin, but your words seem to have given him a momentary pause.

"You think you can bring him back?" he hisses, bringing the flame away from your face, stretching his arm out toward the side. "He's dead, doctor. It's too late."

And with that, he tosses the lighter in the direction of the bed, and a cascade of flames quickly engulf the sheets, the crayons, the drawing, everything. Horror sets in as you watch the fire rapidly spreading, consuming the room, and overhead the fire alarm screams into action.

"Isn't it beautiful, doctor?" he guffaws as the flames devour the room, eyes wide with awe. "It's so perfect... So beautiful..."

Nothing but Jun's laughter fills the air as he watches the flames lick up the once-white walls with a maniacal fascination. The flames flicker and crackle loudly, casting shifting shadows on the walls of the room. You dart towards the door, but the intense heat and smoke make it nearly impossible to breathe or see, and you cover your mouth and nose with your hand. Coughing and vision disoriented, you stumble and hit the floor with a thud, weakly pounding your fists against the door.

"Someone help!" You shout desperately, the words barely escaping your mouth. "Someone help! I-I'm in here! Anyone, please!"

The room is suffocating you whole. You can hardly even see where Jun is amidst all the smoke, yet his laughter still rings in your ears, fogging away all your thoughts. You keep pounding on the door, voice hoarse from shouting, skin tingling with heat, but there's no response from the other side.

So this is how you're going to die, You think to yourself, leaning back against the wall like you were accepting your fate, and the thought makes you chuckle at the irony.

Time seems to stretch into eternity. But just when it feels like all hope is lost, the door bursts open, and a strong hand reaches in, grabbing your arm and pulling you out of the room and into the chaotic corridor. In the corridor, the fresh air is quick to fill up your lungs. You gasp for breath, your heart racing, while the fire alarm continues to blare.

It's Seokmin who pulled you from the room, and you can hardly make out his face from your stinging, watery eyes. He wraps a protective arm around you as you both stumble away from the dangerous room, mixing with the rushing crowd of staff and patients all being guided outside to their safety.

"Y/N, are you okay?! Stay with me!" Seokmin continues to pull you through the corridor, shielding you from anything that you might run into.

You only manage a weak nod, still coughing from all the smoke. Your mind is racing, and you can hardly tell where you were going, but you trust Seokmin's guidance as he leads you further away from the scene of the fire. The sounds of sirens and shouting surround you, and the sight of the smoke floating out from the room you just escaped haunts your thoughts.

When the brightness of the outside hits your eyes, you catch your breath and fall out of Seokmin's grasp and down to the ground. Firefighters and police officers quickly brush past you and into the building as Seokmin pulls you up once more to lead you in the direction of the paramedics and ambulances.

"Here, sit down." Seokmin places you on the stair of the ambulance and helps you out of your white coat before wrapping a blanket around you. "Can we get some help over here?"

A paramedic approaches, checking you over and providing oxygen to help clear your lungs of all the smoke you inhaled. Your heart is still pounding in your chest as you sit there, trying to process what just happened.

Seokmin places himself right next to you, scanning over your features closely. You look over at him, and he gives you a reassuring smile, pushing away some disheveled strands of hair so he could properly see your face.

"You're going to be okay," he assures you, rubbing some comforting circles on your back. "Just take deep breaths and try to relax. They'll take you to the hospital to make sure you're alright."

You give him a nod, feeling a bit more security from him than the blanket draped over your shoulders right now. The two of you sit there for a few minutes, calmly watching the chaos begin to subside. It didn't look like the fire damaged much in terms of the outside of the building.

"I'm going to see if I could help around," Seokmin says, standing up. "Just stay here, okay? I'll be back before they take you to the hospital."

Just as he begins to walk away, you hesitate for a second, before calling out his name, "Hey, Seokmin?"

He turns back to you, a look of concern in his eyes. "Yes? Do you need something?"

You reach out your hand toward Seokmin, silently gesturing for him to come closer. He approaches, and without a word, you pull him into a tight hug. You feel him freeze in your grasp, before his arms fully encircle you in return, tightening the hug, and for a moment, the world around fades away as you hold onto each other. You can feel his heart beat a bit faster than normal against your chest, but you don't acknowledge it, and neither does he.

Eventually, you reluctantly pull away from the hug, but you don't let go of Seokmin's hand just yet.

"Thank you," You whisper. "for everything."

His gaze softens as he looks at you, before glancing away shyly. It makes you chuckle.

"No need to," he tells you. "I'm... I'm just happy you're safe."

The two of you stay like that for a moment, with you closing your eyes to steady your breathing while Seokmin continues to hold your hand, and you can feel the tension in your body slowly easing.

Seokmin's smile is warm, and he squeezes your hand gently. "I'll be back soon, okay? Just hang in there."

With that, he leaves your side to assist the emergency responders, leaving you seated on the ambulance's stairs, wrapped in a blanket. Your brows furrow together, trying to make sense of the situation and all the events that just transpired. The fear, the confusion, the mania that gripped the lost man back in that room𑁋it all swirls within your mind. The lingering scent of smoke fills your nose, and you swear and you can still feel the heat on your skin even though the air was cool outside.

As you sit there, lost in thought, suddenly feeling disconnected from the world around you, you find yourself questioning the nature of your profession and everything you ever believed about it. Could you have done something differently? Were there signs you missed that might have prevented this particular descent in delusion? Was he right, and you were blind this entire time? Not just for him, but for everyone you've helped?

Were you really this dumb and worthless?

Or perhaps was it impossible to save him this entire time...

...and he was too far gone?

That hefty burden of guilt, both for your inability to help him in the past and in the present, weighs heavily on your shoulders. What's for sure is that this will forever be an image tainted in your mind, scarred just like the man who brought destruction and chaos to your life today, and that particular day ten years ago.

You don't know how long you sat there until Seokmin returns, yet when he comes up to you, his face appears disturbed and... paranoid?

"They've got the fire under control. It didn't spread much farther than the room," he informs you, catching his breath. "It seems like nobody else was hurt."

"That's good to hear." Your eyes roam over his features, taking in the tense expression to his face. "Is... is everything okay? How about..."

He sits down beside you, expression still apprehensive. You can see the flicker of concern in his eyes, and the remnants of the chaos from moments ago are still evident in the way he holds himself. His gaze meets yours, and you notice a small shift in his demeanour, as if there's something he's struggling to express.

Seokmin darts his attention around, as if making sure no one was listening in, before taking a deep breath and leaning in.

"They... They said they didn't find his body in the room," he mutters, and it's so quiet you hardly make out what he says. "It's... It's like he escaped."

Your heart drops. A sinking feeling settles in your chest. Dread washes over you at his words.

"W-What?"

another another note: sorry if u expected some sort of romance w jun (which would kinda be weird for the story tbh), but feel free to imagine whatever u want w our dear seokmin. cgrats on making it to the end of the longest oneshot i’ve made so far on this blog 😍🫶

taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @ylliris-hanniehae @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @mhlsymlysn @ryuwonieebae @yeonjuns-redhair @wonwooz1 @rubywonu @etherealyoungk

[lightbulb-warning]

What are you currently into (or even, who? 👀)? Aside from dr :)

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED <3 <3 <3

i only first played the gay anguish timeloop game (in stars and time) like a month ago and!!!! its taken over my life!!!!!!!!!!!!

(numbers tangent for reference bc i love stats and im bad with words: i sat and counted them v approximately rlly quick and!! since the 27th of april i have filled 60 a5s with isat scribbles!! which include 13 bonnies, 14 miras, 20 odiles, 29 isas, ...99 siffrins and 102 loops!! ...WHOOPWHOOP!! digital art not included in the counting bc i got bored and didn't wanna recheck everything all over again )

*shoves siffrins in your face as a display of enthusiam*

uncompressed sifs and more rambling below!! spoiler free!! (siffrin going through the horrors is the premise of the game)

im full of earnest enjoyment for isat. i am not normal about it. i will explode at any second. i really like it when the timetravel is key in the narrative and themes and brings emotional devastation and slowly dissolves a character's sense of sanity, will, self, etcetera <3!! i also like it when the FOUND FAMILY is built before your eyes and THEY BOND and have WONDERFUL DIALOGUE that i CRY ABOUT OFTEN...!! isat has both and excels at it!!!! to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

throughout the game siffrin's the one doing the timeloops and keeping his memories, they're the one going through any actual changes (and the lackthereof) yet the rest of his party, despite being reset every time, still have a sense of progression through each act- the others develop too THROUGH their perception of siffrin if that makes sense?? am i using words correctly?? yea the others can get boring and repetitive given the TIME LOOP™ circumstances but they don't get STALE and there is development while doing the same thing over and over again!! and!!! IDK!!!!!! I THINK ITS COOL!!!!!!!!!!

the sparkly cunt's my favourite and i won't be elaborating bc ✨spoilers✨!!

i need to stop rambling bc i have finals to prepare for/pretend to not procrastinate on n shit so!! uh!! pls play isat!! enjoy some siffrins!!! THANKYU FOR STOPPING BY HAVE A NICE DAY BUHBYE---

(spinfrin unleashed!!)

[fernsnailz]

HI . GET ON THE DISSECTION TABLE. taking your brain RIGHT NOW OH MY GODDDDD. OH MY god ,,, everything in the zine,,,,,

obviously the quality of your work, the art itself is so good ,,,, but OUGHHGGGGHGH i need to bang my head into a wall until im unconscious . like the title itself, starting off . woe mama we are in for a fucked up roboty treat . your comps . your writing . in the most respectful and awestuck tone possible . i need to kill you

my favorite i think is how you draw gemerl ,, all the robots you nail their expressiveness but oughh ,, him in particular makes me kick my feet . 'you are everything i fear becoming' makes me actually tear the fucking floorboards up the themes of autonomy ,,,,,, ,,, and how you storytell through your comic panels,,, the 'what a fool you are to think the doctor is gone' panel set makes me drink 2 Monsters and eat glass

THE . THE IMPOSSIBLE GOAL COMIC RAGHHHHHH. FAV FAV FAV . geninely shaking and trembling looking at it like jesus thats so fucked up ,,, your mind . your writing is so everything !! i would love to get any insight for how you workshop it because it is consistently breathtaking it sticks with me so heavily,,, one time i accidentally stole a line of dialogue word for word from your Never turn back zine comic and had to change it dfhjd,,,,, (wow this line is so cool ! ...a little toooo cool. squint.) but yeah god the last comic wow,, your panel compositions are banger after banger you are so good at consistently writing evocative stuff,,, tragic, rlly funny, hopeful, its so inspirational

thank u so much for putting together such a cool zine, would love to have it physically one day !

GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS EDIT IS KILLING ME. this is such a rewarding ask to get, i'm so glad you picked up on these things!!

my writing work shopping style is. hm. a bit all over the place. i have a lot of thoughts about it i'll put under a cut if you're interested. there's a lot of little things i've picked up that help me out so so much that i would really love to share!

ok FIRST i should note that it took me so goddamn long to write this thing. like i had the very very VERY first concepts for metal sonic good future like. a year ago. the first scrawlings are literally in a notebook right after some thumbnails i was using for dance in fire and i was editing dialogue up until two days ago. i'm ill

BUT!!! there are a few things i like to keep in mind when i write/edit that have really helped me!

GET OTHER PEOPLE TO READ YOUR STUFF. ESSENTIAL STEP. i get stuck in holes with my work a lot and having beta readers and other eyes on this thing made it like a million times better

sometimes you have to kill your baby. there will be certain lines or moments that you ADORE that simply don't fit into the larger piece, and you gotta just cut it out to make it better sometimes. but usually this gives birth to an even cooler and more epic baby. or sometimes your killed baby is also resurrected later to be used in a different scene. does this make any sense

figuring out what emotion you want a scene to make people feel is very important - with this in mind, i also pay really close attention to how my writing or scene concepts make me feel physically. i think this is the thing that has helped me most with work shopping anything i want to be evocative. does a line make me tense my jaw? make my teeth vibrate? make my chest tight? do i suddenly feel the blood in my hands? if it makes me feel something within my body, i try to draw on that physical sensation when forming the rest of the scene.

ok this last one is. stupid. as i was wrapping up this thing i went through a final edit phase i'd call "Garten of Banban Vision." Garten of Banban is an indie horror game that has uhhh kinda mid dialogue. a lot of it focuses on exposition, and any emotion in it feels a bit hollow. with this in mind, i read through everything one last time and imagined like all of the lines were from a Garten of Banban game and spoken in the character's monotone voices. if the line felt like it could fit a little too well in the Garten of Banban world, i considered editing it. but if i started thinking "oh shit this is pretty good for a Garten of Banban game" i knew it was fine. do you understand what i was alluding to when i said my writing process is a bit all over the place

in conclusion. writing hard

[taddymason]

not rlly sure if this has been asked but cuz ur the biggest jay fan i follow i wanted to know what you thought of jay in pt 2 of season 2 ( if you've watched it )

I talked about this before but in summary (DRS2 spoilers undercut):

I think the execution could have been much better. I get what they were doing, with Jay's presence being brief because there's no need to rush his arc and then Arin becoming increasingly frustrated with Lloyd's leadership and wanting to look for his parents since Jay left the tournament. I agree that it wouldn't make sense to resolve Evil Jay's plot this season, and I'm happy with things like not having him fall in love with Nya instantly just because or showing him recovering his memories.

The problem is that those five minutes of Evil Jay feel rushed on their own to jump into Jaya angst and there really isn't much content. It's not a good antagonist introduction because Jay doesn't feel like a threat since he was eliminated in his first round. It doesn't offer anything interesting in terms of the mix of new and old personality that Jay may have as a villain. His powers don't feel threatening either, all the interesting background of the Administration is explained in one line of dialogue. We don't see him interact with anyone on his own team. We don't even see a significant reaction from anyone else besides Nya.

Seriously, the only thing I can perhaps conclude about his character in these minutes is that his fighting style is more aggressive, but apart from that there is nothing interesting because it all came down to exposure time. And I think this is not just something that I felt, because everyone is talking more about his line of "I will always hate you" because that is the only notable part of his character in those minutes.

And I get it, his interactions with Nya were good, but if this is the introduction of him as an antagonist there should be something more substantial that makes me feel SOMETHING for him besides pity. The character is at his lowest point now (he's completely alone, with no memories, with his soul broken, with no job) and I haven't seen him make any active on-screen decisions to get there.

This isn't to say that the season is bad, I just think they wanted to jump to Jaya angst too early before giving Jay a good introduction as an antagonist.

[skz-streamer]

Changbin As Reminders

Simptober Reminders M-list

Pairing: Changbin (skz) x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff ;))))

Warnings: mention of food

Notes: wahhh, Chanbin if def the type to somehow memorize your schedule better then you, who needs the reminders app when you have him! <33333 tbh i dint rlly like this too much but its okayyyyyy

-please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Make sure to turn in that report!"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You were comfortably nestled on the couch, engrossed in the TV show that had captured your full attention. The plot twists and dramatic dialogue had you completely absorbed, and you hardly noticed anything else around you. In your own little world of suspense and entertainment, you lost track of time.

Then, out of the blue, your phone buzzed, causing you to jump slightly in surprise. You glanced at the screen and realized it was a message from Changbin. This was unusual; he was usually in his own world when he was out with the boys, not bothering with his phone.

Curious, you clicked on the message, and your heart sank as you read the words: "Make sure to turn in that report!"

Oh no, you thought, your eyes widening in realization. You had completely forgotten about that report! Panic started to creep in as you wondered how you could have overlooked such an important task.

With a sense of urgency, you quickly typed out a response, trying to sound as composed as possible despite your racing heart. "Yeup! Working on it right now, thanks, Binnie!!"

In reality, you weren't working on it at all. In fact, you had forgotten that the report even existed. But you couldn't bear the thought of disappointing Changbin, who had always been so supportive and understanding.

You hurriedly pulled out your laptop and started to work on the report, your fingers typing furiously as you tried to make up for lost time. The minutes ticked away, and as the deadline loomed closer, you could feel the pressure mounting.

But somehow, with a surge of determination and a little bit of luck, you managed to complete the report just ten minutes before it was due. You let out a sigh of relief, feeling a sense of accomplishment wash over you.

As you submitted the report, you couldn't help but smile. Sometimes, Changbin's unexpected messages were like a timely wake-up call, reminding you of your responsibilities. You were grateful for his support, even when he didn't realize he was providing it

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The morning sun painted a soft glow across your bedroom as you lay wrapped in the comfort of your cozy blanket, still lost in the embrace of sleep. The world outside was already buzzing with activity, but in your haven of dreams, you were blissfully unaware.

As you enjoyed the last moments of rest, your phone chimed, breaking the tranquil morning silence. It was a message from Changbin, your thoughtful and caring boyfriend who was already heading to work. The message read, "Don't forget to turn in that report!" A warm feeling of gratitude washed over you as you read his message. He knew your schedule so well that he even remembered the little details of your work assignments.

You couldn't help but marvel at how he seemed to have an innate knowledge of your day-to-day life. You swore that you had only mentioned the report assignment once, and even then, it was only in passing. His attention to your needs and his ability to remember the things that mattered to you never ceased to amaze you.

With a soft smile, you reached for your phone and texted back, "Thank you, Bin," adding a heart emoji to convey the depth of your appreciation. His simple yet considerate gesture had already made your day brighter.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Changbin was on tour, and you missed him terribly. The distance between you two seemed insurmountable at times, but he always had a way of making you feel closer, even when he was miles away. He made it a habit to send you little love messages, reminders that he was thinking of you and that he was there, even in the midst of his busy schedule.

What amazed you the most was how he managed to time his messages perfectly. Despite being in different time zones, he always seemed to text you good night exactly at your bedtime, and his replies were lightning-fast, as if he had an uncanny sense of when you needed him the most.

One day, as you were engrossed in work, your phone chimed with a message from Changbin. "Don't forget to turn in that report!" it read. Your eyes widened in amazement. How did he know about the assignment that was due in just an hour? It was almost as if he had some kind of sixth sense.

Playfully, you texted him back, "Excuse me, sir, how did you know I have an assignment due?" The mystery of how he always seemed to know what was happening in your life fascinated you.

His reply came quickly, "Oh! I just know, don't worry about it, bun!"

You couldn't help but smile at his response. Changbin had a way of making you feel loved and cared for, no matter the distance. His ability to be there for you, even from afar, was something you cherished deeply.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Tags: @eee5533 @mixtape-racha @cherry-edibles @ren0325 @felixvsp @hwangrimi @sanriiolino  @painstakingly-juno @herarcadewasteland @dabiscrustyfeet @kai-jilee @sungiesoonie  @slvtty4channiee @revelaffee @buckys-pillow, @staygirl86 @chlodavids @jinnie-ret @bbygrlhannie @rebecca-johnson-28  @turtledove824  @interstellarairwaves @yearofthetiger25 @minhos4thkitty @fiqire @backintomykpopphaseagain @liknws @tinyelfperson @aaasia111 @yangbbokari

[semishid]

Why Kai should be canonically aromantic!

1. It’s cool

2. So far, every Queer character in Ninjago has been "unnecessary", contributing nothing to the plot.

Sally was in one season, she doesn't even have her own minifigure. Her character is to be an emotional, energetic, but stressed person. I like her a lot, but being bisexual didn't contribute or change anything.

Then a non-binary background character in Dragon Rising who contributes nothing to the plot, they just in the background.

Geo, he doesn't have a minifigure yet, he has little dialogue and he just is.

Tox, after the airing of season 2 p2 on the Ninjago website we found out that they uses They/Them pronouns.

Cole, not confirmed, but strongly suggested. The least popular ninja, making him a Queer character wouldn't do much for minifigure sales, because he's just unpopular.

But Kai is the most popular ninja!

Plus he has not rlly good writing!

This can be used to show children that not everyone is capable of showing romantic feelings and that it is normal.

His relationship with Skylor is questionable, it was for years and still is.

Now Wyldfyre has a boyfriend, she will talk about him, maybe she will ask Kai about various things regarding dating

But Kai knows nothing about love. He had no parents, he had trust issues. For years he only had a sister to whom he showed love. His trust issues towards Wu and ninja and the fact that he did not interact with other posts except ninja and/or ninja friends.

And in general he only hit on one woman in earlier seasons and gave some advice to Lloyd about dating.

He does not have a rich history related to love with relationships

Making him an aro and showing children that it is normal would be great

Censorship.

In many countries, especially religious ones, any display of difference in a way that is inconsistent with religion and culture is censored or even banned from the state. Ninjago could avoid this!

Censorship wouldn't make sense, because it would 1. Be in line with Kai's character. It would develop his character (a little) and have a pretty important conversation with Wyldfyre about his feelings. 2. Not expressing romantic feelings is normal, people can't censor that, especially in children's animation, which rather doesn't want to promote children entering into romantic relationships young, we don't want that.

Good representation, character development, it doesn't make a difference to them financially, Kai will still be popular, there will most likely be no censorship.

Children, especially young ones often don't know why some adults are single and don't have partners

I think if their favorite character explained it, it would be good for them

Of course, being aro is not the only determinant of loneliness, but so that all children understand that love is not only romantic. Because in Ninjago, there was often a romantic relationship between a guy and a girl right away.

Making the main character a popular Queer would be a good leap forward, especially since Kai is relatable in so many ways.

Also, homophonic Ninjago fans already make Kai woke:

[nyoomfruits]

DIRECTORS CUT OF THE ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED NEW YEAR’s PARTY IN ALREADY HOME!!

or if you wanna talk Where Were Going is Where We are…

DIRECTORS CUT OF THE WORLDBUILDING/ HOW YOU CAME UP WITH ALL THE PERSONALITIES/JOBS/FRIENDSHIPS

ILY ellie

ALREADY HOME NEW YEARS PART MY BELOVED

fun fact!!!! this party did not exist in the original outline. it was supposed to jump from the christmas party at their parents to oscar's office party and then a wholeass honeymoon. the honeymoon plot eventually got scrapped and the new year's party got added. which at the time i had reasons for but i cannot remember them? i think i just felt like i had to do something with new year's because it was right there and so it became this party. also originally i had plans for lando to walk back into the party after the moment with oscar in the kichen to find max and charles making out, and thus sort of furthering their side plot but ultimately it didnt work out and so now it's just heavily implied that they did.

AS FOR WHERE I AM GOING IS RIGHT WHERE I AM

SO this street was based on a street in my town that just has a bunch of local shops in it. i remember i was waiting at the airport and i was just pingponging ideas around and then the "yeah but the french are... the french" dialogue popped into my brain and i was like haha. i could do something with that??? anyway most of the jobs were just me and the tsgc discord dicking around thinking of what would be funny (loads of stuff never really made it in. alex owns a pet store for example, and i don't know if it ever gets explicitly stated that lewis owns a lingerie store) and stuff that made sense? as for the friendships/personalities they just kind of came natural to me i guess. charles made sense to me as a yoga instructor and i think him and lando just have a rlly fun dynamic (LANDO. LANDO WE CAN BE WORLD CHAMPIONS I SAID. LANDO) max and daniel are a fucking HOOT when it comes to writing banter, something i've explored before in glitch and i think they make sense as business partners. also they work great as a peanut gallery because max is very blunt and daniel is just. daniel. george. do i have to explain george i think out of ALL of them he's the best casted character in this entire fic. owns a bridal store. runs the community meetings. is weirdly anal about all of it. i love him so much actually this entire fic is just a love letter to george.

[psychangels]

potentially a hot take, but i think that chai's player isn't limited to songs that he downloaded onto it before it became part of him.

a lot of ppl cite chai saying "Does this mean I can't download anymore songs onto it?" during some optional dialogue as meaning that it is limited. but chai doesn't rlly know how it functions now that it's part of him. nobody does. i read that line as him either just making an assumption, or being sad abt the fact that he can't rlly listen to whatever specific song that he wants at any given moment anymore

the reason i think it's limitless in what songs can play is mostly bc a Lot of the songs that play throughout the game r very specific to whatever situation/environment he's in.

idk abt u, but i don't buy that chai would just happen to have a song titled 'Welcome to Qa' downloaded on his ipod that perfectly fits the vibes of the place he's in.

does this mean that it makes songs??? sure, that's entirely possible. if it has unlimited access to music, what's stopping it from making its own? in fact, honestly, that makes more sense than him having a song called 'Heatwave (VARRT Mix)' already on his ipod when he didn't even know varrt existed before

to note: i do think some of the songs were ones he downloaded onto it before everything, but a lot of them it just. doesn't rlly make sense to me for him to have those bc of how specific they r

[zeltqz]

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

[cubedmango]

hi!! i just wanted to let you know that i started reading cherry magic in july last year after seeing the anime announced on toyota-sensei's twitter! i couldn't even rlly translate the announcement myself without the help of google translate LMAO but her illustration of them looked so sweet i had to snoop around. more than half a year later. i am no longer normal and my brain is fully rotted over and i think of those two nearly every waking moment!! your art, along with so many others feeds me and your translations are So Appreciated thank you for doing gods work. i usually don't get super involved in fandom or w/e other than consuming fanart or fics so the fact i find myself actually drawing them is so new to me...idk cherry magic really is so refreshing and it's just nice as an adult to see a mature relationship between two working adults. there are callbacks to childhood or childlike behaviors or interests sprinkled throughout the manga's dialogue and i always appreciated how they weren't seen as embarrassing or immature to embrace or learn from as an adult, but encouraged or seen as a valuable part of balancing work, life, and love. idk it's def one of the more subtle and less expanded upon parts of it but i love how adachi's and kurosawa's love of manga, though seen as a children's activity (from how kurosawa thought people saw it) was actually one of their first mutual hobbies. it's also interesting to see how many things about kurosawa's psyche are remnants of ideas probably for a lack of better wording, were taught to him from an early age. his self-image, how he tries to uphold certain societal standards, etc etc. im glad he found refuge in adachi that way. im sorry for rambling for so long but i've just been thinking about these two so much ldks

anon pls u never have to apologize for rambling abt my fav guys of all time, u should actually talk w me about them more i want to hear ur thoughts !! the eng speaking fandom isnt that big (or at least i dont get to interact w a lot of ppl personally) but its fun making art and doing the translations for my blorbos so im happy other ppl enjoy it too 🥺

and yess everything u said abt the childlike/immature stuff krdc enjoy like the fact that their interest in manga and stuff is never made fun of or anything (which would be ironic anyway since theyre In a manga themselves fdkjskf) but actually one of the things that gets them closer is So good augh?? (also spoilers for the radio drama if u havent seen it yet, but to me one of the best changes they made was changing the port scenes setting to an anime con instead like Yeah!! theyre little nerd guys of course theyd attend a con!!!! that plus how they both like watching animated movies and playing games too like its a very specific thing to Me but that relatability w stuff i do myself makes them both feel a lot more human? if that makes sense)

also w kurosawas whole deal its Definitely a longterm thing hes had for a while, and in canon its mostly been his friendships/relationships that affected him (probs the most clear in ch45 my beloved) but from the way the meeting w his parents went theres for sure a lot of parental/family pressure involved too?? this is going into hc territory but i have like a whole Thing brewing in my head about kurosawas and maris relations w their parents and how that affected their self image and all growing up too and i rlly wanna make stuff for it someday (idk if anyone would be interested but id probably do it regardless so fkdjksjfk)

[bonefall]

quick question. Rn fire alone feels like the obvious "good" choice ("I want people to be able to choose who they love and I want to be kind. We maybe shouldnt kill kits while we're at it?") and thistle feels like the "bad" choice ("I want apprentices to die bc theyre half clan and and screw moms having rights. Oh those rlly important kits that got killed? Yeah they deserved it lol.")

So what reasons would a cat want to support Thistle's law, and what reasons would a cat not want to support Fire alone?

By our standards they're the obvious good and bad choices... but really, I've met a lot of people who support the 'obvious bad choice' irl too.

Like, this line here you wrote,

"I want people to be able to choose who they love and I want to be kind. We maybe shouldnt kill kits while we're at it?" = Say this verbatim at Thanksgiving to your homophobic, anti-healthcare uncle and you unlock the Bonus Slurs.

Remember that there's not always two 'equal sides' to an argument. That's a trap; not every position is logical. Spite, fear, and anger are GREAT political motivators. Thistle Law is ur-Fascism adapted for Clan society, kept simple so I could tell a story with it.

So lemmie run through everything you wrote, I'm going to write dialogue here as if a Thistle Law supporter is responding (so obvious CW for sexism and control and general garbage!!);

"I want people to be able to choose who they love and I want to be kind. We maybe shouldnt kill kits while we're at it?"

"So you want to destroy our Clans and culture?? This isn't kindness, it's pathetic. You want to let [ThemClan] invade us and kick [UsClan] out of our own home. And don't pretend like I want to kill kits, YOU'RE the one who wants our kits not have four Clans to be part of."

"I want apprentices to die bc theyre half clan and and screw moms having rights. Oh those rlly important kits that got killed? Yeah they deserved it lol."

"What?! The Warrior Code has bound our loyalty for generations and kept us together longer than you've been alive. Wayward warriors need to be punished for disloyalty, and there would be plenty of toms in their own Clans if we hadn't ended kit stealing. If those kits really were so important, StarClan shouldn't have been entrusted to some lying, delusional wench of a mother!"

They deflect a lot. Everything goes back to anger and accusations. Even a character like Hawkfrost, who would be more capable of making 'rational' arguments than this person, is harboring a lot of disgust or fear in them.

The emotions are important. Their arguments aren't convincing, they're charged. You're supposed to get angry and start yelling back at them, it triggers their feelings of persecution, and only makes them dig in even further as they feel like the whole world is delusional and only THEY have the truth.

So it's important to stress; You cannot 'fix' these people. There is no successfully 'won argument'. Do not engage with them. Their minds are only changed when they start seeking different viewpoints, and when there's resources for them to get away on their own.

(It is why a lot of real antifascist work has to do with stabilizing communities in poverty and combating loneliness. Economic anxiety and having no other support system are GREAT ways to prevent radicalized people from leaving the 'cult'.)

So... if Thistle Law doesn't make sense to you? Good. It's not supposed to. I hope that I can help people to understand that, y'know?

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @skeptiquewrites i love these games! this got very long so answers below the cut!

How many works do you have on ao3?

123 total but 22 HP fics

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

886,281

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i'm writing HP/drarry pretty exclusively at the moment and i've written the second largest number of fics for this fandom. but i've written like 69 sherlock holmes and/or bbcs fics and i think 16 good omens fics

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

they're all good omens fics in the 2k-3k range. none of my other fics even come close. my most popular drarry fic is Propinquity which makes sense it has a fun premise

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes! i respond to comments when i have the time and energy and usually i do it in batches shortly after i've published something new

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't rlly write angsty endings. in the bbcs fandom i wrote an infidelity fic series where they're in a very unsustainable situation and i intended to write a final installment with a happy ending but i was so disenchanted by the last season of the show that i just never did. i've never written an angsty ending to a drarry fic. i find angst kinda boring tbh :p

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

almost every single fic i've ever written has a happy ending but the drarry fic i've written where the pov character has the most to cope with before he's happy is probably either propinquity or moonrise. they're also my youngest dracos, which probably has something to do with it. they've had less time to recover and grow. i think i have to give the edge to moonrise, actually because he's soooo sad and lonely at the beginning, and he develops this bond not only with harry but with ginny (they give each other stupid nicknames) and hermione (they have a very special scene toward the end of the series)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i didn't used to, but i've gotten a bit since i started writing drarry! there are a lot of polarizing characters and relationships, and people will sometimes tell me they didn't approve of how i handled something or other. i was too soft on dumbledore i was too hard on draco. oh well. no refund.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! for me, smut is an important part of demonstrating the trust and intimacy between my leads as well as like. joy and playfulness. consequently my smut tends to be silly and jokey but also very romantic and sort of idealized.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i wrote a fleabag/bbcs crossover once where fleabag picks up john watson at her therapists' office but it's the only one i've ever written and it was sort of to tease of friend of mine

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a handful! mostly my good omens fics

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i'd love to write one with @clytemenestras

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i am not rlly a favorites kind of person but obviously drarry is doing something special for me rn. they are both Me and pushing their faces together and making them kiss is an act of self love <3

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i NEVER publish WIPs but i do have this 8th year WIP that i'm rlly struggling with and put it on the back burner. i think i'm just trying to do too many things with it and i get stuck and unsure of where to go first when i open the document. originally it was supposed to be a theater kids fic because i loved the idea of draco as a theater kid. but the version of draco that unrolls when i write is so exhausted and burned out and also he's kind of being shunned. he just isn't embodying the flamboyant joy i was imagining when i came up with the idea.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm very good at depicting relationships. my dialogue is good and my characters develop all these inside jokes and references that make them feel like real people.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

my fic tends not to be very plotty but idk if i consider that a weakness. i'm not trying and failing to write plot. i write what i intend to write. i guess i write pretty slowly, but i'm okay with that too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

draco often speaks french in my fic, and now that i think about it, it's usually to show his closeness with people who are not harry. i guess i have this idea that it's easy to reduce him to his interactions with harry, but he has social relationships outside of that. he's like. capable of pleasantries. he's chatting with his cousins he's chatting with madame maxime. it's a fun little way to make him a bit mysterious. that's one of the things harry likes about him, isn't it? what's that draco malfoy up to? what's he saying? it's fun!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

bbc sherlock

20. Favorite fic you've written?

it's hard to compare fics across fandoms and even within drarry it's hard to compare fics that are attempting such different things! i think maybe the relationship in A Gift of True Esteem is my favorite because they develop this really strong partnership and their respect for each other is so clear! i also get to drop in a lot of wizarding culture, like draco gives harry some books that i got to make up titles for, they go shopping together and out to dinner (i think i was inspired by the antiquing scene early in @tackytigerfic's Modern Love; it rlly stuck with me). they go to a museum run by goblins, they talk about how much hogwarts has changed and changes they still want to make. and i got to make up some homework assignments, which was fun too! Strangely enough this is also the fic i've gotten the most hate on! i rlly didn't think i had made any controversial choices when i was writing it but oh well lol. i love getting to look at how they might move through the world as adults. how they have changed and how the world has changed, and i just had a lot of fun with this one.

genuinely do not know who has already played so i tag @oflights, @thehoneybeet, and @vukovich if you want to <3

[risingoflights]

Hi! Do you mind sharing your progress? Like from start to finish, planning ideas, dialogues, the whole shebangs as i want to create my own wol mini comics but I've never.... Rlly draw comics much 😔

ooooof i think this is too big a ask for me to be able to answer properly. i'm happy to share my process and a few general tips on mini-comic making in general and you can see if any of it sticks-

fo those wol comics, the ideas stage is really just 'play game, have feelings'.

for me, the 'have feelings' part was initially 'have feelings about the gameplay', and earlier comics reflected that. gradually, wol naturally developed a personality and started bouncing off the story, so it became easier to jot down his reactions to canon in comic form. your wol will have their own characterisation, and people in this fandom i find are way more flexible about what's 'canon' than other fandoms i've engaged in. so be honest with yourself and your wol to generate your own stories.

dialogue-wise, it's useful to have read a LOT of comics, and in particular episodic web-comics. i intuitively lean towards a rather prevalent 'set them up and knock them down' pattern that is quite effective, but for starters don't be afraid to just draw any little interaction you can think of. a one-pager of wol saying hello to each of the scions, even. or consider even having no dialogue - i personally love out of context images that still imply a larger story.

planning the comic out is again... a huge beast i don't think i can summarise. but for reference, my latest lightwarden wol comic was thumbnailed out like this. you can see several different angles i played with before deciding on the best results.

and the rest is just polish!

the best advice i have is really just to go for it. if you want to see your wol do something, just draw it out. if you're having trouble with ideas, practice with a canon scene you like and just copy what's on screen. with time you'll develop a sense for how to do everything, i promise - as long as you start somewhere.

and don't forget to have fun! that's probably most important of all. best of luck to you!

[koqabear]

hiii, your works are absolutely amazing, esp only you darling, i had literally had chills when i read it, it was so fucking terrifying in the best way possible. i know you spoke about your thought process when writing longer fics, but i wanted to ask how you nail characters and emotions so perfectly. i'm trying to write a thriller/horror fic right now, and you just write the genre so well, i had to ask. how do you show characterization so well? i'm sorry if this doesnt make sense lol 😭

AHHHH OMG THANK YOU SM 😭😭 this was a little hard for me to explain bc honestly i don't even know how i do it myself... i tried rlly hard to break down little things i like to do under the cut, i hope this helps!!

(note. i literally tried so hard to explain this as thoroughly and clearly as i could that i drafted it and FORGOT ABOUT IT. i know its late but i hope you're still able to find a bit of use from this.)

so first, whenever i think of a character, i try to flesh out a few things: what is their role in the story, what kind of dynamic do i want them to have with other characters, and what kind of person do i want them to be/be perceived as overall?

*something that i'd like to point out is the importance that inner dialouge/thoughts vs. the behavior and spoken dialogue can have on characterization. it really helps establish a character as a good or bad person and can make them more dimensional (ex: having a scene where yeonjun comforts mc over a breakup but is only thinking about how happy he is to have her to himself now)

the two most complex and important characters in OYD are beomjun, ofc; when writing them, the very first thing that came with their character was their roles: yeonjun was the best friend, beomgyu was the stranger and eventually, catalyst to every bad event 😭 yeonjun is the best friend who is pining hopelessly after the mc and has a false moral compass-- he's protective over the mc and keeps a tense relationship with beomgyu; just a tad bit afraid of what the other is willing to do, but still willing to go along with it bc of his obsession. beomgyu is made out to be the charismatic stranger that the mc just can't help but get close to; he has a very manipulative relationship with both the mc and yeonjun, and he's used as a device to move the story along, if that makes sense.

so with yeonjun, i made him out to be very sweet and doting over the mc; scolding her for letting gyu fix her laptop, feeling bad for lying to her, caring for her while she's sick, comforting her after her n jaemin broke up. i also added how close they were by adding small details like the fact that they've been friends for a long time, enough for yj to know the mc's family, and for them to be able to be touchy and clingy. i did all that to show that yj really cared for the mc and that his feelings for her were genuine; by building a background and adding small scenes like the one where they got caught in the storm and the mc has clothes for yj to change into, their close relationship was made believable.

but alsoooo, i wanted to show that yeonjun was very possessive and borderline (straight up) obsessed with the mc-- constantly being around her, scolding her for small careless mistakes, getting jealous when seeing her around other men and following her during a date; all things that eventually escalated bit by bit-- but still blended in with his innocent, cute moments, so that it showed a struggle between his two sides-- until it was finally revealed that he's had thoughts of tracking the mc long before gyu even suggested it; after showing that and letting him indulge in those dark desires, i allowed myself to write about yeonjun's descent into the side he was desperately trying to get away from; that toxic, possessive side that allowed gyu to hack into her computer for him to watch.

and ofc, once he descended into that side, there was no going back. i still kept that lovey persona yeonjun had in the beginning, but i also emphasized his possessiveness until ultimately, it became unhealthy and yeonjun became mentally unstable.

nowwwww, onto beomgyu! the thing about him was that he was an entire stranger to the mc, so first impressions were crucial. he's a very strong and complicated character that had his motives exposed almost right away. going back to my note* back at the top, i used the contrast between his actions and thoughts to really sell the whole "manipulation" thing-- because that's what manipulation is, essentially: controlling and misleading someone by acting and saying whatever is necessary.

so! we have his motives-- to get closer with the mc-- and his methods-- stalking, cameras, etc.-- so now we just blend this in with one final thing: how will he be perceived? how is he actually?

on the outside, he's a quiet, charming, nonchalant person, and the mc's shyness and attraction to him helps aid that idea-- but that's how he's perceived to the mc at least! the way he acts around yeonjun is the same, but with that added layer of him constantly pressuring and threatening him. (but subtly, which gives him the benefit of the doubt) by adding scenes where he plants ideas into yeonjun's mind and making it seem like it was the other's idea (like the tracker on the mc's phone, or him hacking into her computer for yj) or moments where he's acting all coy and charming with the mc (teasing her for calling him "gyu", the scene at the garden or wtv), it helps to really convince the audience that hey, this bitch has layers! and is kinda crazy...

but again, there's how he's perceived and what he's really like-- and that's a manipulative psychopath. so once he reached his motive, aka killed soobin and successfully took the mc to the cabin, i let his true colors show, but still kept that charming and intimidating personality around, just to keep it consistent. like, he's super doting and helps the mc recover, but in the end takes advantage of her vulnerability to establish a closer relationship-- he was the most eager to get to her no matter what, so he was the first to make an advance toward her (kissing her immediately after they arrived at the cabin)

in summary, here's what's really important to think of when wanting to characterize a character properly:

-how should this person be perceived? how are they actually?

-how do they interact with other characters? do they have different sides they show? how do they talk and act around certain people?

-what are their motives? what will they do to accomplish them?

remember that "filler" scenes are your best friend when wanting to really flesh out a character; it allows you to show the audience what they're like in even the most mundane situations, lets them see growth happen naturally and in a well paced manner, and makes them seem more real (ex. again, the rain scene with yj and mc!)

pleaaaaase let me know if you have any more questions!!!! i'd love to answer them, and ofc lmk if you need me to clear something up! i wish you sooo much luck with your story! (or any future ones) this genre seriously isnt for the weak.

[arminsumi]

@ your latest reblog about smut being fast food.. I'm not a follower for long BUT I happen to be on here for 10+ years and let me tell you: there's nothing more boring than a fic that's simply about smut. If I read a fic and the writer doesn't even put in the effort to make it at least sound as if that certain character would say xyz then I'll just skip lmao.

I appreciate thoroughly checked works.. characters being spot on and some good worldbuilding. I'm so sick of boring fics that you can literally apply to ANY character and it "works".

If a writer is able to really indulge into a character, their past, what they've been through and so on.. that's what makes me interested in a fic. It should fit the character and you shouldn't be able to copy paste the same work with a different character. I really like your fics that don't include smut at all such as "photograph" that made my heart sink let me tell you. The way it was so innocent and it all came down to Satoru crying and sobbing I can totally see him being heartbroken bc of something like this and he'd totally do it in silence too.

I know I'm just one of a few but please don't be discouraged by clown fics that are full of notes but don't even contain a proper plot. It seems unfair and it is bc most readers are just horny and who am I to blame lol. I also love smut but you know what's even better? If you can imagine that character saying these things, if the scenery makes sense if their relationship makes sense..

I appreciate writers that still care about the little things. Please don't stop putting in the effort because it seems like nobody is truly liking your fluffy fics.. I do and I also love heart wrenching angst and other fics.

I hope you're feeling a lil better now.. had to get that off my chest 🩷

omg 😭💗

thank u so much for taking the time to write this, it's rlly reassuring and so sweet of u!!

i've been a bit self-conscious of my works lately because i see paragraph smut getting great feedback and then thought-out plots being lost in the tumblr void.

so i start scrutinizing my own work like ok maybe this wasn't as good as i thought?? did i structure it wrong?? is the flow bad??

i rlly try hard to ensure quality and do thorough editing and carefully write dialogues.

because i personally hate reading stuff and thinking "yeahhhh they'd never say that lol" bc it just breaks the immersion.

fanfic is a special type of reading experience, because the reader is usually self-inserting into the world and daydreaming about the scenario.

and also regarding smut, sometimes i hate writing full smut scenes or writing extremely satisfying sex. because in real life it's not like that, and i'd like to show relationship development like maybe character A says ok let's stop for now or maybe they don't go too far or maybe they're dissatisfied.

but i fear that writing about realistic, emotional sexual interactions with angst and (fluffy ones with short smut and long aftercare/after scenes) will not be well-received or enjoyed. it would greatly help plotlines of some of my angst fics, like the one where satoru loves the reader but she absolutely doesn't, but they "try" make it work and it falls apart because she feels emotionless during intimacy with him (but not with suguru, and she can't fall for him bc yk... tight-knit friend group problems 😔)

idk but it's alright bc i have my own personal rules of writing that i try to stick to, and i'm trying not to let notes or feedback deter me. i always hide in Kerouac's books when i lose sight of truthful writing lol

anyways thank u for ur motivational words they are stored in my heart hehe 💗👍